Thinking about going home
(Written while in the hospital)
Thinking about going home I have good bit of anxiety. I’ve felt guilty the whole time We’ve been away that Talia and Jordan weren’t with us to share the first experiences of a new baby joining our family. Even before I came to the hospital I was beating myself up about not being able to run and play with them like I do when I wasn’t pregnant. And now, at least for a little while I am still pretty immobile from my operation and the girls will have to wait again to really play with mommy.
And to add to the anxiety my post pardon state is making me worry about the world I’ve brought this sweet baby into. The world is not a nice place, Noa has to learn that the hard way just like everyone else. Right now I’m wishing she didn’t, that I could shield her from any evil that might come her way. I can’t, nobody can, we will do everything we can to make child hood as fun as possible for all our children and to prepare them to fend for themselves in a not so perfect world. And maybe in a few weeks I’ll be back to my old self and not worrying about things that aren’t with worrying about.